The philosophical vegan...

My heart was thumping. Each heartbeat echoed in my ears. My chest had gotten so tight, each breath I drew inward seemed to get trapped in my throat. I could see my heart almost beating out of my chest, and nothing could calm it. 

I didn't know at the time, but I was having a mild panic attack. 

I'm recovering from depression. A long, deep depression, which started many years ago. It flares up occasionally, but this time it stayed. I turned to pills, despite loathing the dependence. But now I'm getting better, with only laughter as my medicine.

I knew it would be a difficult journey, with troubles along the way. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, as they say.

But no matter how long you stay in the light, the darkness always comes. 

I had just finished work. The sun was fierce in the late sky.

My phone rang. 

My Mum was crying.

My Dad was very, very ill. 

But pain has many faces.

The tears soon came. Violently. Harshly.

My heart felt like it was about to implode inside me.

You can't pray for the pain to disappear, but you can pray for the strength to get through it.

I guess I always knew a day like this would come, and though I'd never be prepared, surely this was the worst timing? I'd just come off medication for depression - surely I can't handle this?

Everything happens for a reason. 

Everything is temporary; pain, life, time. Holding on to anything too tight only hurts more once it's gone.

Wasting time hating the universe for dealing me this hand in life will not make it any better. The only thing I can do is move forward, accept the past and focus on the now. It's the only way to stay happy. I need to be strong for my family and myself, and I believe I can do this by remaining as balanced as possible and focusing on positivity.

We control our own happiness.

Have a positive day! Namaste xoxo